I'm awaiting a call from Allie that I'm starting to think I'm not going to get. I hope she just fell asleep but what am I to think?  I don't know. I'm worried. so I called her mom..eek, kind of scary seeing how she throws everything in my face. but whatever..I got to talk to Allie and not Erin. Hopefully she'll get home and call me soon. soon enough just isn't soon enough though. oh well. I am a patient boy. Sorry I abandoned my last entry, I'll get back to it it's just, I can't really finish that story because it's still going on! I mean..how do you finish a story you're living at the moment? I'll add to it, slowly but surely. I'm going on week four of sobriety it's nice to be honest especially being that I haven't been sober since freshman year in high school! graduated 01 to 07 is a long run... I'm a lot more clear now, I have a lot more to write about. not much to say but a lot more to write about. I'm going to finish writing out shit for the Dead Paris/Strategically Placed G-Nades split. Our half is being called "Brenda! You've started the Cat/Bun Wars!" GENIUS! haha..oh uncle grandfather..I want Perfect Hair Forever. It's true...

So..I guess I'll give you (Nancy, the only person who reads this!) a sample!

001. This is the end here and now, drowned sound waves pave the way for pop culture gone wild while we all tag along. Like a cat in heat waits for you to grab that pussy! Social stimulation is the key "Ark to thy yonder fortress where no one haunts our doings". Fine young teens gobbling the cock of big industry, merely caress it might help them let you cum in the punch at your own ceremony, A funeral for thee has landed you what!? But a rash you thought would be gone the next morning!

COCAIN RAGED PUNK ROCK WOO-HOO! too bad I never did coke, well not really..but it'd be a lot more gritty and dirty.

it's a five song EP on our part so it'll be done this summer. I'll send you one Nancy! Goodnight!

Current Location: Home...
Current Mood: anxious
Current Music: Angel Hair "Kisses"

hm..I almost forgot how to do this, and this keyboard doesn't make it any easier... oh well where to start..

Well...if you don't know my name is Johnny, I'm from Chula Vista, CA. but I currently live in  Pueblo, CO or what Allie and I call "Jehovah's armpit" yes, we call "God" by name. haha. no, it's not funny. I've Grown up a lot since I've been here. When I was in San Diego I was going down hill, I had drug problems, drinking problems and mental problems, not saying I'm crazy but...what the hell. I've gone up and got engaged to the love of my life Allie E. Characky. We own a record label respectivly called "Hardly Art, Hardly Starving" most of the band's signed on are our own, then we have our friends Rin_Tin_Tin+ and I am Cataclysm. We get a lot of help being a D.I.Y. company we make our own tees, cd's, tapes, and 7" our band list consists of.

Dead Paris (full time Allie and I plus our Nintendo)
Jesus and his Crazy Antics (part time Allie and I plus our Shayne..and his porn grooves)
our last band really has no name we just call it "something crazy" and it's just us playing chello and piano, classical of course.

We are ARTSY FARTSY if you'd like to say, but we're not "scene" kids, we just appreciate artistic intellect.

I smoke a lot of cigarettes, I've cut down a ton though, three or four a day, if not less.

I don't drink, before I left San Diego three years ago I had a really bad fall, I felt like I'd been forever cursed to remain alone, so what did I do? I listened to friends and gave in to drinking and smoking pot, all they said to me was "you have no girlfriend, your family isn't here, do it. so I did. I took advantage at what they gave me and basically killed myself. drank everyday for two months straight, got high every other hour, didn't shower for two months, and guess what? I still felt like shit, I like going on no shower strikes! I mean, if you can do it do it.

I was still a virgin so I wasn't expecting anyone to examine every hole in my body, I could care less at the time! plus I can go for days without stinking, weeks, and I guess doing what I did best which was nothing months! this girl ruined it all for me after, she told me she loved me, she lied to me right in front of me and I was too drunk to notice, she had a boyfriend and I was the fucked up one to go and have her cheat on him. it wasn't like I was looking for anyone, she found me. she tried to get me to have sex, but even as a drunk horny teenager I stood my ground and said no, believe it or not.

Some like to say I did, I don't. It really hurts, I'm being blamed for being a druggy sex addict and I hadn't done shit. So when I had to have surgery and they perscribed me to not only vicodin but oxy cotton also, I took full advantage and became addicted and I wanted to "fuck" any girl I could just to let them talk and let them know "now it's all true" I didn't have sex, but I was a druggy. just to those two things nothing else.

 I had known this girl named...let's call her "M" for a while, she had a boyfriend so I expected nothing from her. just a friendship and a way to meet a girl, she'd call me all the time to the point where I was sick of it I had no idea what was up with this girl and it scared me, so I just, blew her off all the time. Until one day she caught me in a tight spot, she knew where I lived and she said she was going to be there in an hour, I wasn't home I was reading this over at a friends house thinking "shit what am I going to do?" she handed me my skateboard and told me to leave because little did I know the girl of my dreams was going to be there. I wanted to meet her, I had talked to her about video games so I was like "yeah I have a gaming/skating buddy that's a girl!" I had no intentions of being with her.

As I head for the long trek home half way down the hill my wheel falls off because the truck just broke (never leave anything over at a friends) and I eat shit the rest of the way down. In pain I get up and walk the rest of the way. I finally get home forgetting why I was in such a rush that I just pass out, then I wake up and "M" is laying right beside me, it felt nice but what doesn't when you're lonely? I asked about her boyfriend she told me they'd been broken up for quite a while now, I mention nothing about it again. I let her know I was just getting out of one bad relationship with the "cheater" (?) she asked about the girl I went to see and the whole reason I was in San Diego, I've never had anything bad to say about Delisa, she was always nice I just felt like it was a wrong place in time for me because I was really just...bleh, I did no drugs, but I was just..not right. I hated myself, I wanted to die, and I unleashed that burden on her. I regret it, but there's no sense in changing the past.. back to the subject at hand, she takes that and starts making out with me, I wont lie at the time I wanted it, but only because I wanted anything and everything, disgusted after she left I downed 10 vicodin and crashed. next day she was there again as I woke, now I'm just creeped out but soon I fall into it. why? It's how I am.

We go to Canon to see her ex boyfriends band play, but we didn't get to because Mallory had a problem with a couple people there, so "B" and I get ready to leave the venue and as soon as we're pulling a way this girl knocks on my window, I look over and I see the girl I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, becca or "B" knows we both locked eyes and felt the same vibe for each other but I felt commited to "M" and becca's love for Allie, so I try and play it off, I'm a shy person so it's easy for me to do. We introduce ourselves and hold hands for a second to long, she offers us a smoke so we do it. we chilled, talked about skating and video games, becca tried to put her two-cents in but she really doesn't know what she's talking about half the time. We get back to Shayne's and all I can think and say is "you're so cute you're like a little girl" and she blushes and just has me play her little games of "this is fire, you can't stand there" but I defied it! I made my own lava civilization.We go back home, the whole way all I can think about is her and I feel wrong.

Next day was "PROM 2K5!" I didn't go, just got drunk like all the "other cool kids" before we head out to prom to meet "M" and gabe we head over to the lot and meet Shayne, Tyler, Allie, and Bam. We have a couple drinks then go our seperate ways, as we get to our destination we just sit, no fun dancing. all "M" wanted to do was dance, but if there's music on that I don't like, I can't dance. So we leave and head for Denny's make a mess then hop to Ihop, took advantage of the coffee then tried to fall asleep at 9 in the AM, we were all tired but hungry and drunk. Me and "M" try to sleep but I've always had this problem with sleeping with people, especially in really awkward spaces, like a couch made for one. I was awake and drunk the whole next day, I had a fat lip because of "M" and everyone already thought we'd done "it", I gave them no satisfaction of saying yes or no. the next day "M" has something "very important" to tell me, she comes over as I try and sleep and tells me "we need to break up" I said "okay, we don't belong together anyways" she cries makes me walk her outside tells me her and chris are back together, then what does she do next? she makes out with me and says "you make me so wet" I was BAFFLED, disgusted, and sick to my stomach.

I lay off the whole trying to get laid and what not thing because I'd just been severly hurt three times in a row. then I decided to invite the crew over to have a couple beers, smoke a little, and what not, first becca brings Allie, shayne brings beth, then he brings the rest of his friends. I wanted them out! I love some of shayne's friends like Marissa, Sarah, Evans, they're great. but I only knew Marissa, and Sarah. I was upset, but randomly, some friends from San Diego found their way up to Pueblo and stayed, I joked about kicking everyone out, then everyone left but the people I wanted to stay so I was happy I was loud and obnoxious. I wasn't high nor drunk, just frustrated, then female Jonnie was all over me trying to kiss me and I put up my guard with my guitar. She called me a fucker and said she hated me, I was fine with that she's a lush. I walk into my bedroom and walk right back out and there's Allie, first thing I thought to do was throw her in the room because I didn't want her to go. So I do so by telling her I'm Quarrantining her and she stays, but as I get back Austins in there trying to make his move. Upset thinking I lost my chance because everyone was saying they liked each other I had no clue on what to do with myself.

I'll continue this soon

Current Mood: blah
Current Music: 1-800-Ghost-Dance